"I can't believe you said that! Apologize to the entire continent of England!"

Customer service: This is actually an eBay line, I don't have access to the half.com numbers, but I have a direct email that they'll respond to within 24 hours.
Julia, deadpan: I'd honestly prefer a phone number, because based on their track record, I'd get that email back in about a month.
Customer service: ...oh. I don't have a phone number.
Julia: Oh, the industrial revolution hasn't hit half.com yet? Do they have a telegraph? A Pony Express?