Leevee (colin_chaotic) wrote,
Leevee
colin_chaotic

Oz quotes

As c/ped from IMDB. Warning, lots of naughty words and references!

Robert Rebadow: Just 'cause I talk to God doesn't mean I'm crazy.

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Tim McManus: I may be blind but I'm not dumb.

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Vernon Schillinger: So the state's gonna let Keane choose which way he's gonna go out. Me, I'd take hanging.
Mark Mack: What about lethal injection?
Vernon Schillinger: That's for pussies.
Donald Groves: They say that lethal injection causes no pain. How do they know? Did someone come back from the dead and say they didn't feel anything?

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[During 1997 prison riot]
Inmates: [chanting] Said! Said! Said!
Kareem Said: [Raises his hand and all inmates stop chanting] Gentlemen.
Warden Glynn: What's this about Said?
Kareem Said: If you have to ask, Glynn, then we got a long day ahead of us.

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[Reflecting on his childhood]
Ryan O'Reily: Yeah, I learned the alphabet the hard way. DEA. HIV. IOU.

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Ryan O'Reily: I'm like the lord of the fucking dance. I got moves.

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Judge Grace Lema: Mr. Beecher, I appreciate you taking the time to see me.
Tobias 'Toby' Beecher: Well, you know, it's a nice break from getting fucked up the ass.

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Joey D'Angelo: He ate his mother.
Nino Schibetta: Get out of here.
Joey D'Angelo: So I heard. He killed her, then he blew off her head, smothered it in onions.
Dino Ortolani: What, no garlic?
Joey D'Angelo: He had his father in the freezer.
Nino Schibetta: Sick fuck. What the fuck's wrong with this country? In the old days, murder was murder. You killed someone, it was business. You sure as Christ didn't eat them.
Dino Ortolani: Times have changed, Nino.
Nino Schibetta: Fuck that. Times changed. Nothing changes. Nothing ever changes.

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Augustus Hill: So, what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom? What makes us so different? We're the only species who put our own kind in cages.

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Simon Adebisi: O'Reily.
Ryan O'Reilly: Yeah?
Simon Adebisi: Go see Schibetta.
Ryan O'Reilly: Since when are you his Western Union?
Simon Adebisi: Since we partners.
Ryan O'Reilly: We?
Simon Adebisi: Yeah.
Ryan O'Reilly: You're the monkey chained to his organ grinder.
Simon Adebisi: Better watch that pretty little ass.
Ryan O'Reilly: No need. You're too busy watching it for me.

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[Penders and Alvarez are training seeing eye dogs]
Alicia Hinden: Okay, you see the steaks?
Greg Penders: We gonna teach the dogs how to cook?
Alicia Hinden: No, we're going to teach them restraint. I'm going to put them on the floor, and you're going to stop them from eating it.
Miguel Alvarez: All right.
Greg Penders: You gotta be kidding me.
Alicia Hinden: What?
Greg Penders: I haven't seen a steak in six years. Now, you're gonna throw it on the floor so a DOG won't eat it?

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Ryan O'Reily: "Lights out" means "Shut the fuck up".

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Augustus Hill: Remember when your high school history teacher said that the course of human events changes 'cause of the deeds of great men. Well, the bitch was lying. Fuck Caesar, fuck Lincoln, fuck Mahatma Gandhi. The world keeps moving cause of you and me, the anonymous. Revolutions get going cause there ain't enough bread. Wars happen over a game of checkers.

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Leo Glynn: Hey, Tim, want to grab some dinner?
Tim McManus: Appreciate it, Leo. I can't.
Leo Glynn: Too much work to do, right? You can take a break from saving the world. Even Jesus had supper.
Tim McManus: Yeah, and right afterwards he was betrayed and crucified.
Leo Glynn: I'll try not to take that personally.

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[Schibetta's wife just passed away]
Nino Schibetta: Such a good woman. Such a patient woman. I'm not the easiest man to live with, you know.
Joey D'Angelo: Yeah, I know.
Nino Schibetta: [looks at D'Angelo menacingly] I want Angie's funeral to be magnificent. I want a gold and bronze casket. Red velvet interior. At the wake, I want on both sides of her Calla lilies. She had them on her wedding day. And get that actor she likes to be one of her pallbearers.
Joey D'Angelo: Which actor?
Nino Schibetta: You know, he's a big movie star. What's his name? He was in that movie where the thing blew up.
Joey D'Angelo: Yeah, I know who you mean.

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Augustus Hill: Do we care for people when they're sick because we actually care about them? Or do we care for them because when our time comes, we want someone to care for us? Or does it matter? At least you got your health. Don't you hate it when people say that? I mean, you lose your job, you lose your wife, you're in prison, and some punkass dude gonna say, "At least you got your health." Like that's supposed to make me feel better. So what if I'm broke? So what if some drug dealer wants to cap my ass? At least I ain't got a tumor. I swear, the next person that says ALYGYH to me, I'm gonna make sure they ain't got their health much longer.

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Simon Adebisi: You are a sick motherfucker, O'Reily.
Ryan O'Reily: Coming from you, that's a compliment.

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Kareem Said: I would die for you, my brother.
Jefferson Keane: You gonna have to.

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Tim McManus: The other day before Hill's hearing I met Judge Grace Lima.
Tobias Beecher: Oh really? How is the cunt?
Tim McManus: She asked about you.
Tobias Beecher: The cunt put me in here. The cunt gave me the toughest sentence possible.
Tim McManus: She asked if she could come and see you.
Tobias Beecher: What a cunt. You know, my trial lasted 28 days. And for every single one of those days I had to stare up at that cunt's face while she banged her cunt gavel and instructed the jury to fuck me over. I didn't have a choice. I had to see the cunt. Now I don't have to.
Tim McManus: Yes you do.
Tobias Beecher: You gonna force me?
Tim McManus: Yes.
Tobias Beecher: Why?
Tim McManus: 'Cause I think it'll be therapeutic. Ultimately you'll thank me.
Tobias Beecher: You know what? You're a cunt too.

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Agamemnon Busmalis: You a Russian?
Nikolai Stanislofsky: Yes.
Agamemnon Busmalis: From Russia?
Nikolai Stanislofsky: Yes.
Agamemnon Busmalis: You were born in Russia.
Nikolai Stanislofsky: Yes.
Agamemnon Busmalis: Wow.

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[O'Reily has just offered to arrange for Adebisi to meet a woman sitting on death row]
Simon Adebisi: O'Reily, if she sucks my cock, I'll suck yours.
Ryan O'Reily: That's an appetizing thought. Pass.

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Sister Pete: Simon, after the riot, you went into severe heroin withdrawal. I thought you kicked the habit?
Simon Adebisi: I did.
Sister Pete: Oh, come on. These reports say you're still using. Now, I want you to come to drug counseling.
Simon Adebisi: Rehab is bullshit. No offense.
Sister Pete: Fine. Then I'll have you tested for drug use every week and if you keep using, I'll send you to the Psych Ward. Have you ever been to the Psych Ward here, Simon? Peter Schibetta's there, along with twenty other guys who've lost all sense of reality.
Simon Adebisi: Reality? Oz?

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Kenny 'Bricks' Wangler: That's fucking what I heard. Rebadow collected like 3 G's. And that money's gone tomorrow. Know what? I'm thinking we go to Rebadow, we take the dough, and so these other fucks don't get mad, we make Rebadow swear he sent it.
Simon Adebisi: No.
Kenny 'Bricks' Wangler: What do you mean, no? It's $3,000.
Simon Adebisi: I said no.
Kenny 'Bricks' Wangler: Why?
Simon Adebisi: 'Cause sometimes it's good to be human.

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Alvah Case: Vehicular manslaughter, reckless endangerment, possession of controlled substances, possession of a deadly weapon, violation of parole. That's an amazing list of crimes.
Ryan O'Reily: Well, you know, I applied myself.

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Tobias Beecher: [to Schillinger] Whatcha readin'? Mein Kampf? Well, let me tell you how it ends. The Aryans get their asses kicked!

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Tim McManus: You must think I'm an idiot. You want me to move Keller out of your pod and put Andrew Schillinger in?
Tobias Beecher: You're wondering what I'm gonna do to the son of the guy who raped me and tatooed a swastika on my ass.
Tim McManus: The thought crossed my mind!

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Officer Joseph Mineo: Count!
Tobias Beecher: What now?
Robert Rebadow: We go to our cells, they count heads and lock us up for the night.
Tobias Beecher: It's 5:00! What am I supposed to do... What time is lights out?
Robert Rebadow: 10:00 PM.
Tobias Beecher: What do I do for five hours?
Robert Rebadow: Try to keep breathing.

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Augustus Hill: Death is certain. Life is not.

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Nino Schibetta: Adebisi, that ends with an "I". You sure you're not Italian?
Simon Adebisi: Schibetta, that ends with an "A". You sure you're not African?

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Simon Adebisi: It's simple. You help me get rid of the niggers, and we take over the drug trade.
Raoul 'El Cid' Hernandez: Simple huh? What about the wiseguys?
Simon Adebisi: They don't care who they work with, as long as the job gets done.
Chico Guerra: You're asking us to get rid of your people?
Simon Adebisi: They are not MY people. I am African!

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[Schibetta offers O'Reily a tomato]
Ryan O'Reily: No, thanks. I've never been big on tomatoes.
Nino Schibetta: You Irish. You have no appreciation for the simpler things in life.
Ryan O'Reily: What's simpler than a potato?

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Simon Adebisi: Holy shit. It's little Nino. You know, you look just like your father, only you so pretty.
Peter Schibetta: Trying to tell me something?
Simon Adebisi: Yeah, I miss your father.

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Augustus Hill: Why didn't you let me have the paper route?
Burr Redding: What?
Augustus Hill: When I was ten, I wanted a paper route. Instead, you put me on the street, selling drugs.
Burr Redding: So, what do you want? An apology? Well, you ain't getting it! When your father died in 'Nam, I swore to him I'd look out for you, and I did.
Augustus Hill: How in the fuck did you do that?
Burr Redding: I taught you how to do the only thing I knew how. I kept you alive, I kept you fed, and I helped keep a roof over you and your mother's head!
Augustus Hill: Bullshit! The fact of the matter is, I wouldn't be in Oz, I wouldn't be in this chair, if you had only let me have the fucking paper route!

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Tim McManus: Hill O.D.'d, yesterday. You want to tell me about it?
Burr Redding: I know nothing about that!
Tim McManus: Bullshit.
Burr Redding: Fuck you! I've done a lot of shit in my life. I should probably be dead by now! But there's one thing I won't do, and that's outlive that boy!

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Father Ray Mukada: According to this file you're about to be a father. You've got a girlfriend, Maritza, she's an inmate at Parker Women's.
Miguel Alvarez: Yeah, we got arrested together. Ain't that sweet?

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Ryan O'Reily: She's a hooker.
Lenny Burrano: You're full of shit.
Ryan O'Reily: She's a hooker. I tell ya, I been there.
Lenny Burrano: You're shitting me about this.
Ryan O'Reily: The St. Pauli sector of Hamburg, Germany is the red light district. So you tell me what a St. Paul Girl does after she takes up her apron.
Lenny Burrano: And I always thought the little bitch was smiling just for me.

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[Robson's gums hurt]
Vern Schillinger: You should go see Dr. Faraj, about that.
James Robson: No way. I fucking hate the dentist.
Vern Schillinger: How long has it been, since your last time.
James Robson: About a year before I got in. Six years. Besides, I don't want that fucking towel-head's bare hands inside my mouth.
Vern Schillinger: They have gloves now, you know. Jesus, how long has it really been?

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[about a possibility to get Hill a new trial]
Kareem Said: Do you want to replace me? You wanna get Beecher to take up our cause?
Augustus Hill: Our cause? This is not our cause, this is my fucking life! I am not you, man! I don't want to be a martyr or a fucking saint! All I want is to get out of here and be free. Either you can do that or you leave me the fuck alone!

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[In Oz's boxing tournament, Alvarez got beaten by a gay opponent]
Kenny 'Bricks' Wangler: Yo, Alvarez! Nice fight!
Miguel Alvarez: Shut the fuck up!
Kenny 'Bricks' Wangler: What you gonna do, motherfucker? Hit me with your purse?

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Augustus Hill: Life in Oz sucks, and only a fool or a Republican will tell you different.

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Simon Adebisi: I admire you, more than I desire you.

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Augustus Hill: Don't worry, Poet. I won't rat you out.
Arnold 'Poet' Jackson: Thanks, man. Shit, if I was a girl, I'd be feelin' you up by now.
Augustus Hill: If you was a girl, you'd be one ugly-ass 'ho.

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Burr Redding: Motive is less important than outcome.

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Lenny Burrano: Peter, the family is embarrassed.
Peter Schibetta: They got no reason to be embarrassed.
Lenny Burrano: They're not happy with the way that you're running things in here.
Peter Schibetta: They blame me for getting poisoned?
Lenny Burrano: Your father got fed ground glass over the course of months. Now, whoever did that, probably Adebisi, took the time because they knew that Nino was watching. Nino was smart.
Peter Schibetta: And so because I got one quick shot of poison instead of ground glass, I'm not as good as Pop, right?
Lenny Burrano: This is what they say. The family.
Peter Schibetta: Christ. You tell 'em I'm gonna handle Adebisi. I'm gonna get my honor back by the end of the day. Either that fucking moolie or me is gonna be in a bodybag.

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Kareem Said: I understand you have some information regarding the governor, James Devlin? Information of a damaging nature.
Jiggy Walker: Damaging? Depends on how you view crack.

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Officer Diane Whittlesey: Raoul Hernandez, Miguel Alvarez.
Miguel Alvarez: El Cid, it's an honor, man.
Raoul 'El Cid' Hernandez: You Latino?
Miguel Alvarez: Si.
Raoul 'El Cid' Hernandez: They lied to you. You too fucking white to be a Latino. Get the fuck outta my face.

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Ryan O'Reily: [to Robson] Beecher bit off the tip of your dick. How'd you like to lose the rest?

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Officer Diane Whittlesey: What's going on?
Tim McManus: There's a rumor that you're bringing contraband into Emerald City.
Officer Diane Whittlesey: What?
Tim McManus: It's bullshit, right?
Officer Diane Whittlesey: Who'd you hear this from?
Tim McManus: Tell me it's not true.
Officer Diane Whittlesey: It's not true.
Tim McManus: You're lying to me.
Officer Diane Whittlesey: No, I'm not lying.
Tim McManus: I have an eyewitness, Diane, that saw you pass cigarettes to Scott Ross. An eye-fucking-witness.
Officer Diane Whittlesey: Who?
Tim McManus: Me.
Officer Diane Whittlesey: Oh.

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Tim McManus: You say you've changed. Why should I believe you?
Vern Schillinger: Trust me, McManus, you lose an eye, you get kicked in the balls, you get a face full of shit, you become a different man.

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Tim McManus: Schillinger's back in Emerald City. He says he won't harm you. Tell me you won't harm him.
Tobias Beecher: He burnt a swastika into my flesh. He made me rip up pictures of my family. He made me eat the pages of a law book. He made me wear women's makeup. And, he fucked me up the ass.
Tim McManus: I know.
Tobias Beecher: So now I just forgive him?
Tim McManus: Yes.
Tobias Beecher: Could you?
Tim McManus: Yes.
Tobias Beecher: All right. I forgive him.

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[during the riot, the C.O.s are taken hostage]
Officer Eddie Hunt: This is all your fucking fault, McManus.
Officer Diane Whittlesey: Shut up, Eddie.
Officer Eddie Hunt: No, Goddammit. If I'm gonna die, at least I want the bastard that got me whacked to know it.
Father Ray Mukada: How can you blame Tim?
Officer Eddie Hunt: How? 'Cause all this Emerald City bullshit. 'Cause Tim thought he could help these cocksuckers. I've seen you in action, man. I've seen you fumble the fucking ball every single play. I just hope if we do die, I get to watch you go first.

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Tobias Beecher: Hello! If you don't mind, I gotta take a shit.
Vern Schillinger: Beecher, listen...
Tobias Beecher: Hey! You know, I'm standing in here thinking about all the good times we had, you and me.
Vern Schillinger: I don't want to fight.
Tobias Beecher: Oh, no. Of course not. You get into a fight, you fuck up your parole. And I hear for the next three months, you're gonna be a good little boy, so you can get outta Oz, see your two sons. You know, I think that's great. But, you know what I'm wondering? What if Vern doesn't get out? What if, as he comes up for parole, he gets into a brawl, a knock-down, drag-out with his old roomie? What if every time he comes up for parole, Vern gets into some ugly incident and has to serve his entire sentence? And his two sons, they become monsters. That's what I'm wondering about. Prag.
[Beecher leaves, singing "I Got It Bad"]

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Warden Glynn: You wanted to see me.
Chris Keller: I gotta get out of this place.
Warden Glynn: There's a reason you're in protective custody. We want you to live long enough to testify against Schillinger.
Chris Keller: Yeah, Warden I stay in here I die of boredom.
Warden Glynn: You wanted magazines, I sent magazines.
Chris Keller: How many times a day can a guy jerk off?
Warden Glynn: I don't know, depends on the guy.
Chris Keller: I gotta go back to Em City. I ain't worried about Schillinger. I'll take care of myself. I want that fuck to see I'm not punking out.

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Chris Keller: Hey, I'm gonna see you today, right?
Sister Pete: Three o'clock, visiting one of your ex-wives.
Chris Keller: Yeah.
Sister Pete: Which one? Kitty or Angelique?
Chris Keller: Bonnie, wife number 2 and number 4, she's the best.
Sister Pete: Hmmm.
Chris Keller: There she is, there she is.
Sister Pete: Aha, a redhead.
Chris Keller: No, the other one.
Sister Pete: Chris she's...
Chris Keller: Huge.
Sister Pete: Well, did she gain some weight after the divorce?
Chris Keller: No, she was that way when I married her. Both times. Bye.
[He goes into the visitation room and starts making out with Bonnie]

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Arnold 'Poet' Jackson: [after seeing white patches on his skin] DAMN, I might be able to get a cab now
[homeboys laugh]

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Officer Claire Howell: Seasons greetings fuck-wad!

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[Alvah Case has claimed O'Reily and Scott Ross were lovers]
Ryan O'Reily: I ain't no faggot, pal! But if I was, I wouldn't put my dick anywhere NEAR Ross' scum-hole! He'd fuck anything with two or four legs!

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Tim McManus: I'm sorry Rebadow, it's your word against his. The word of a correctional officer against the word of an inmate... who is known to talk to god.

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Tim McManus: Said, I grew up in a small town, upstate New York. There was only one major industry there, the prison. Everybody's parents either worked at the prison or made a living from, you know, motels, gas stations, or, like my dad, had a diner. Right across the street. It was the fall, we'd just gone back to school, I was about to turn ten. I was very, very excited. A few days before my birthday, though, there was this riot. And it lasted four days. But then the Governor authorized 2500 troops, state troopers, to go back in, take it back. They did, firing at anything that moved. So when the tear gas cleared, 31 inmates and 9 hostages were dead.
Kareem Said: Attica.
Tim McManus: Three of my friends' fathers were shot. Instead of going to a birthday party, I went with my family to a memorial service.
Kareem Said: So that's what this is all about. Emerald City is your birthday party.

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Kareem Said: You wanna save this place, right? And I want to destroy it. Brick by hypocritical brick.

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Augustus Hill: Yeah, who cares who lives or dies in prison? We read the names in the morning paper and they mean nothing to us. They're faceless. Truth is, we don't wanna put a face on 'em. We don't want to know who they really are. Because then it might hit too close to home, and home is what it's all about, right? Making a home no matter where you are, no matter who you are. At the end of the day, everybody wants somewhere to rest, somewhere to lay their bones, even if it's in a land called Oz. Yeah, like Dorothy says when she wakes up in her own bed back at Aunt Em's, "There's no place like home." There's no fucking place like home.

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Augustus Hill: People are defined by three things. Their heads- how they think. Their hearts- what they feel. Their dicks- who they fuck. At the end of the day, each of us has to answer one question. One, not so simple question. Who am I?

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[Suzanne Fitzgerald has started a music program in Oz]
Suzanne Fitzgerald: Why don't you ask some of your friends to sign up?
Ryan O'Reily: Sure thing.
[cut to a scene of Ryan slamming Busmalis into a wall]
Agamemnon Busmalis: All right, I'll do it!

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Tim McManus: Said, the Muslims weren't represented at the council meeting.
Kareem Said: If this council has real power, then we will participate.
Tim McManus: Well, how do you mean?
Kareem Said: Do we get to make policy or do we simply rubber stamp yours?
Tim McManus: This is a prison, not a democracy.

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Peter Schibetta: [about O'Reily] All rats know when to desert a sinking ship. He's a smart one, but a rat just the same.

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Murphy: Gentlemen, this room here is the, uh, computer room. Call me crazy, but I think when I see people in this room, they should be using computers. But you three aren't, which leads me to guess, you know, 'cause I'm such a bright fella, that you're here for a different reason. Now forgive me for being distrustful, that probably means you're up to no good.
[Guerra and Hernandez get up to leave]
Murphy: That's right, take a hike. Let's go. You too, Simon.
Simon Adebisi: I am using the computer.
Murphy: Ah. Well, can I give you one little small suggestion? Turn it on.

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Augustus Hill: The Vikings, their brutality aside, had their moments of brilliance. At one point, they were such great shipbuilders, that Leif Ericson and his crew sailed all the way to America. Some people say that he probably went as down south as the New York harbor. Here's where the brilliance comes in- they took a look and went back.

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Augustus Hill: I tell you, I don't belong with those three clowns, man. They're crazy! Especially Beecher. I mean, forget all that shit he did to Schillinger. Beecher bit off some fucker's dick.
Tim McManus: I know. That was ten months ago.
Augustus Hill: Oh, yeah, well, then that's ok. I gotta share a pod, McManus. I gotta sleep with one eye open.
Tim McManus: Sister Peter Marie says he's responding to therapy.
Augustus Hill: Well, then let her bunk with him.

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Beecher: You've got to transfer me to another cell block.
Tim McManus: All the other cell blocks are full.
Beecher: Well transfer me to another prison.
Tim McManus: Do I look like a travel agent to you?

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Colonel Edward Galson: So I hear you're a faggot.
Tobias Beecher: Whether I am or not, what's it to you?
Colonel Edward Galson: Lights go out, I don't want you getting any ideas.
Tobias Beecher: Trust me, Colonel, I'm never gonna get that horny.
Colonel Edward Galson: As long as we understand each other. Fucking faggots are ruining the military. "Don't ask, don't tell" my ass.
Tobias Beecher: I agree. You know, I think the military should stay the way it's always been. A bunch of redneck he-men who murder children and rape women.
Colonel Edward Galson: You making a joke of me?
Tobias Beecher: Seems like you're doing a pretty good job on your own.

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Officer Claire Howell: You know what your problem is, Diane? You try to be everybody's best pal.
Officer Diane Whittlesey: You know what your problem is? You try to be everybody's worst nightmare.

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Leo Glynn: People, we've got three murders in two weeks. I got the Commissioner yelling in my ear and the press shoved up my ass. The Governor's threatening to send in the feds. And my daughter wants to move into an apartment with her boyfriend. Somebody, help me out here.

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Donald Groves: [gives Alvarez a stamp] Here.
Miguel Alvarez: I don't wanna write anybody a fucking letter. I wanna get fucking high.
Donald Groves: You lick the back. It's liquid LSD.
Miguel Alvarez: Groves, this gives stamp collecting a whole new meaning, baby.

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Donald Groves: This is my tooth. It was in my head. This tooth and I have been together since we were kids. This tooth chewed on my mom.
Scott Ross: You should sell it.
Donald Groves: Sell it?
Scott Ross: Sell it. The tooth from the mouth of Donald Groves? Do you know how much that's worth on the open market?
Donald Groves: How much?
Scott Ross: Plenty.
Donald Groves: Who'd wanna buy my tooth?
Scott Ross: Collectors.
Donald Groves: Collectors?
Scott Ross: Collectors. People collect everything. Stamps, salt and pepper shakers, World's Fair tchochkes. Some people collect crime stuff. Lindbergh ladder, Ted Bundy's toenail clippings, and this.
Donald Groves: We'd have to get a fence, right?
Scott Ross: We're in prison. How hard's that gonna be?
Donald Groves: Ross, if we get a good price, I still got 30 more.

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Ronald Pokelwaldt: Markstrom and his crew, I need to know how they're getting their shit into Oz.
Ryan O'Reily: What are you doing market research now?

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Tobias Beecher: You hate the law? Well, I love it. I love the law, even if it didn't turn out in my favor. You know why I love the laws we have in this state? Because it keeps people like Schillinger, Adebisi and Hernandez away from my kids.

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Nikolai Stanislofsky: You know what I miss more than anything about being free? Taking a bath. I hate showers. To sit and soak in a hot tub with bubbles everywhere...
[says 'amazing' in Russian]
Ryan O'Reily: I bet you even had a rubber ducky, huh Nikolai?
Nikolai Stanislofsky: Rubber ducky?
Ryan O'Reily: Yeah.
Nikolai Stanislofsky: What is rubber ducky?
Augustus Hill: A product of capitalist imperialism.

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Augustus Hill: 'Fuck' is a four letter word. 'Rape' is a four letter word. 'Wife' is a four letter word. So is 'love.'

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Augustus Hill: You swat at a fly, step on an ant, squash a cockroach, you don't think much of it. In fact, killing a bug gives you a sense of accomplishment. Fucking ant was ruining your picnic, cockroach was crawling through your kitchen cabinets. You put an end to their disgusting, miserable little lives and make a better world for everyone. Only, for every one you kill, more appear. Bigger, uglier, meaner than before.

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Chris Keller: One of the Teletubbies is gay.
Augustus Hill: What?
Chris Keller: Falwell, the reverend somebody, says that Twinkydink or whatever his name is... he's a butt pirate.

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Leo Glynn: Look, whatever relationship we may had in the past, it's over, you're my prisoner now!
Mayor Wilson Lowen: That simple huh... do you actually think I killed those little girls?
Leo Glynn: You're found guilty!
Mayor Wilson Lowen: As a black man... you gotta know that don't mean dick!

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[shouting to the solitary unit inmates]
Officer Claire Howell: Rise and shine you little fucks!
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