(I'll feel slightly guilty about Arrested Development, sure, but if Fathom turns out to suck I'll watch Arrested Development aaaand...)
Kitchen Confidential (Fox)
(Because, damn it, I always liked Nicholas Brendon far better than Alyson Hannigan.)
Prison Break (Fox)
(Yes, I blame Oz. And if this turns out to suck, then I might try Just Legal.)
(Unless Dean Winters becomes a regular on CSI Miami? Probably nuthin'.)
(So, what, I've got to tape Bones AND Gilmore Girls now? Shit.)
Supernatural (The WB)
(Jensen Ackles, man. And will someone remind me why it was I was going to watch Commander-in-Chief? I know there was a reason... Wait, was it Kyle Secor? Yeah, I think that was my reason. Anyway, "Sex, Lies, and Secrets" is runner-up because fuck, man, it's got Eric Balfour! ...I'm still bitter about Hawaii.)
Close To Home (CBS)
(Not only does it actually sound good, Christian Kane! As a credit character! Hell, he's the main character's husband!)
The Apprentice: Marth Stewart (NBC)
(Yeah, I know, I've got fucking issues.)
Veronica Mars (UPN)
(FUCK the world. Man, I totally wanted to watch E-Ring, and Criminal Minds and Head Cases both looked interesting, but they've got to be up against Veronica Mars, don't they? FUCK.)
Law & Order (NBC)
(As much as I watch it anymore anyway. Maybe I'll just pop in some DVDs of season three. Man, that shit's good.)
Everybody Hates Chris (UPN)
(With my usual downloading/prowling of the Apprentice. Also: There's going to be two of them? Fuck, there's no way I'm keeping all those losers straight NOW.)
The Gate (Fox)
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC)
Law & Order: Criminal Intent (NBC)
Crossing Jordan (NBC)
And now, the summaries for any new shows that I find interesting. Because I fucking can, that's why.
* "Bones." (Fox) Hourlong, created by writer Hart Hanson (“Judging Amy,” “Joan of Arcadia”), about a forensic anthropologist and an FBI agent who team up to solve murders. It stars Emily Deschanel (“Spider-Man 2,” “Boogeyman”), David Boreanaz (“Angel”), Michaela Conlin (“The D.A.”), Jonathan Adams (“American Dreams”) and T.J. Thyne (“Ghost World,” “How High”).
* "Close To Home." (CBS) Hourlong, from writer Jim Leonard (“Night Visions,” “Thieves,” “Skin”), about a young mother and freshman prosecutor working cases of suburban crime. It stars Jennifer Finnigan (“The Bold and the Beautiful”), Christian Kane (“Angel”), John Carroll Lynch (“Brotherhood of Poland, New Hampshire”), David Starzyk (“Free Enterprise”) and Kimberly Elise (“The Manchurian Candidate”).
* "Criminal Minds.” (CBS) Hourlong, written by somebody named Jeff Davis, focusing on FBI profilers. It stars Mandy Patinkin (“Dead Like Me”), Lola Glaudini (“The Sopranos,” “The Handler”), Thomas Gibson (“Dharma & Greg”), Matthew Gubler (“The Life Aquatic”) and Shemar Moore (“Birds of Prey”).
* E-Ring. (NBC) Actioner, from screenwriter David McKenna (“Blow,” “SWAT”), about the activities of the Pentagon starring Dennis Hopper (“24”) and Benjamin Bratt (“Catwoman”).
* "Everybody Hates Chris." (UPN) Sitcom, created by writers Chris Rock & Ali Leroi (“Down to Earth,” “Head of State”), about a teen Rock attending a mostly white school in 1982. It stars Tyler Williams as Rock (who lends narration), as well as Tichina Arnold (“Big Momma’s House”), Terry Crews (“White Chicks”), Tequan Richmond (“Ray”) and Vincent Martella (“Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo”).
* Fathom. (NBC) Sci-fi hourlong, from Josh and Jonas Pate (“G vs. E,” “Dragnet”), about a race of creatures who emerge from below the oceans’ surface near Anarctica, California and the Gulf States. It stars Lake Bell (“Boston Legal”) and Rade Serbedzija (“Eyes Wide Shut”).
* "The Gate." (Fox) Drama, created by writer Josh Berman (“CSI”) about San Francisco detectives charged with the city’s most “bizarre and twisted crimes.” It stars Johnny Messner (“The OC”), Marguerite Moreau (“The OC”) and Chi McBride (“Boston Public”).
* "Head Cases." (Fox) Hourlong, created by writer Bill Chais (“The Practice,” “Family Law”), about a hotshot attorney who forms his own firm following a a nervous breakdown. It stars Chris O'Donnell (“Kinsey”), Rachael Leigh Cook (“Josie and the Pussycats”), Krista Allen (“Baywatch,” “Unscripted,” “Feast”), Adam Goldberg (“The Hebrew Hammer,” “How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days”), Aimee Garcia (“A Lot Like Love”) and Rocmond Dunbar (“Earth 2”).
* "Just Legal." (The WB) Legal procedural comedy-drama, from writer Jonathan Shapiro (“Boston Legal”), about a 19—year-old lawyer and his defense-attorney mentor. I stars Jay Baruchel (“Undeclared,” “Million Dollar Baby”), Don Johnson (“Nash Bridges”) and Amy Aquino (“In Good Company,” “A Lot Like Love”).
* "Kitchen Confidential." (Fox) Sitcom, created by David Hemingson (“Just Shoot Me!” “Jesse”), about a “bad-boy” New York chef. It stars Bradley Cooper (“Alias”), Jaime King (“Sin City”), Nicholas Brendon (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”), John Francis Daley (“Freaks and Geeks”), John Cho (“Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle”), Frank Langella (“Unscripted”), Bonnie Sommerville (“NYPD Blue”), Sam Pancake (“Legally Blonde 2”) and Owain Yeoman (“Troy”).
* "Prison Break." (Fox) Hourlong, created by writer Paul Scheuring (“A Man Apart”), about an innocent man sentenced to die on death row, and the engineer brother who works to engineer his escape. It stars Dominic Purcell (“Blade: Trinity”), Sarah Wayne Callies (“Tarzan”), Robin Tunney (“Vertical Limit,” “The In-Laws”), Wentworth Miller (“The Human Stain”), Amaury Nolasco (“2 Fast 2 Furious”).
* "Sex, Lies & Secrets." (UPN) Hourlong comedy-drama, created by writers Michael Gans & Richard Register (MTV’s “Spy Groove”), about twentysomethings living in the Silver Lake area of Los Angeles. It stars Denise Richards (“Love Actually”), Lauren German (“A Walk to Remember”) and Eric Balfour (“Hawaii”).
* "Supernatural." (The WB) Supernatural thriller, from writer Eric Kripke (The WB’s “Tarzan”), about two brothers who take a cross-country road trip to solve their mother’s 20-year-old murder. It stars Jensen Ackles (“Dark Angel,” “Smallville”) and Jared Padalecki (“Gilmore Girls,” “House of Wax”).
In other news, I'm off to sign the paperwork for Humanex Academy. That's right y'all, I'm pretty much definitely going there this fall. My mom's withdrawing me from school tomorrow. Er, actually, after a look at the clock, switch that to "today". And I'm totally supposed to be sleeping right now, and I'm totally not. Haha, go me!
...my foot's asleep. And I keep fighting the urge to curse loudly and fluently. DAMN YOU OZ!