What is with the death rate of T-Bag's bitches? Seriously, it's like whenever Mikey boy's around, they drop like flies. In the latest case, actually DROP. It especially hurt because of what his bio on FOX's website says:
CRIME: Vehicular Invasion, Kidnapping
SENTENCE: Eight years
TIME LEFT ON SENTENCE: Eight years
ELIGIBLE FOR PAROLE IN: Four years
18 year old Hoffner was bored of his cookie-cutter suburban adolescence and always wanted something more. He wanted a life of thrills and excitement.
One night, while walking home from a friend’s house, he found that life. Hoffner saw a woman unpacking groceries from the trunk of her car, and she had left her driver’s side door open. Acting on an impulse he had always repressed, Hoffner snuck up to the car, jumped in and sped away.
Hoffner barely traveled a mile before noticing the two year old boy asleep in the back seat. Just as he was about to turn the car around, he saw the police in his rear view mirror.
The Beardstown district attorney, looking to make a name for himself, ignored Hoffner’s clean record and successfully prosecuted him to the fullest extent of the law.
Eljay is really hot. Like mm. But dude, could you PICK a more populated spot to take a nap?
Go Nick the legal beagle! I love you too. You, and Eljay, and Mikey, and Sucre, and Abruzzi too even if he has a penchant for the toe-choppin'. Who else do I love? Hum. Westmoreland, of course, and I guess Linc.
Abruzzi got nothin' on Ryan O'Reily, I tell you what. Ryan wouldn't get played like that, no way no how.
GEEZUS. Way to heart attack. And way to continue heart attack. Oh man oh man oh man.
"Think he found the hole?" Mikey's 'Oh, man, Sucre's an idiot' looks is BRILL.
Aw, Abruzzi. Ya big teddy.
Wow, head of the Mafia is EEEEV1L. With a one, even.
Sara! You such an evil doc! You got nothin' on Gloria, though you are more bareable.
Right now, Abruzzi reminds me of Peter Schibetta. I think that's his name. You know, Adebisi raped him, he went to psych, eventually died? Him.
Linc is now reminding me of Miguel. Poor baby. And I love how he knows the name of a guard's son. That boy, so thoughtful.
ELJAY! Oh, the cute. Let's get all the fugitives together, okie doke? Nick and Veronica and Eljay. They can be one big happy - hey. They would make a pretty cool family. Whoa.
Hey - parking lot. Like a garage. TEH SYMBOLS! TEY KILLZ MEH!
ELJAY! Damn the phone!
Hear what? The train? OH! Gun! BAAAAASTARD! Don't you dare taunt my boy with his dead mommy! Haaaaaate yooooooooou, Secret Service man!
Eljay is smarter than you. And Nick knows how to lift stuff. And how to sweet talk rich folk. I want Nick background fic! NOW!
DUN DUN! That narrows the suspect field, don't it? Only... not at all. Chyeah well.
And why does T-Bag keep going after the heavily muscled fish? Mikey and 'I so street' boy. THEY CAN CRUSH YOU, T-BAG!
Ruh-roh. You don't call T-Bag no homo.
Low latent inhibition? That explains his constant stare. He's hyperfocused on everything, so he stares at it.
And 'rescuer'. He's going to rescue the new fish, who needs to learn not to cry right next to the bars where anyone could see you. Like Mikey boy.
Pleeeease let Eljay be in the cabin! Nope, but close enough.
END CALL! DON'T LET THEM KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!
DAMN IT! DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN! Please let that be a code, please?
Abruzzi, you psycho. LOVE YOU! Of course, it ain't like there's anyone else who could have done that, what with the cells being locked and all. Psychotic he maybe, but he's no Ryan O'Reily.
Or is Mikey boy supposed to be the Ryan of this world? I could see that. In charge - or will be - or else. Like Ryan with a conscience. That would make Linc Cyril, though, and he's totally Miguel. Which is scary, because O'Reily/Alvarez is one of my OTPs. Sucre could be Cyril, since Ryan and Cyril shared a cell at one point. OR! Sucre could be Beecher! Beecher and Ryan totally shared a cell... in like, one episode, but that's okay. It still coo'. And who would Eljay be? Wangler aka Bricks? P'rhaps, p'rhaps. In age only, though.
Eljay! You crazy shoe-stealing boy! LOVE YOU!
OH NOES. THIS NOT END WEEEELL! THIS END BAD, AS ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT LAKE MERCER, NO CODE!
ELJAY! BOY, I LOVE YOU! LOOOOOOOOOVE! ELJAY SMARTER THAN AAAAAAAAALL YOU! ELJAY THE SMARTEST LITTLE BOY! I say little as he is fifteen, and year younger than self. Have stop using little words as for little people, not self. Self cool. Too cool, better than little words.
Okay, so Veronica/Nick is the smart one. IT STILL WORKS, DAMN IT! FIFTEEN YEAR OLDS CAN'T DO EVERYTHING THEMSELVES!
SMART FOLK! I LOOOOOOVE YOOOOOU!
KILL 'IM! KILL! KIIIIIILL! Faster Mikey boy, kill kill!
Damn. But good enough.
Wow. Mikey boy, you could RULE prison world. YOU DA PRISON TYCOON! Sorry, self just loves that game.
Whew. Heart attack much? AND HAH! WALK ON YOUSELF, BELLICK BOY! SUCRE SMARTER THAN YOU! LOOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOU, SUCRE ME BOY-O.
Shut up, 'I so street'. I slappa you upside da head!
RUH ROH RALPH!
I love how the little eye-gouging incident goes completely unremarked. Hee. And Mikey boy looked like he was going to cry! Aw, self give hug to Mikey boy!
Didja know that yesterday, we had like four homicides in Denver within two hours? S'like, crazy, dude.
Now I'm watching an episode of Investigators on Court TV, entitled "Dark Shadows", and duuuude. This reminds me of that one episode of Dark Angel, with the Manticorean with the drinking and the blood? Ew.
Sense? Make me? HAHA!