I open up my DVD case, pull out the first disc for season one of Oz. I pause. “Damn, I’m retarded, I don’t want to watch ‘The Routine’, I want to watch ‘A Game of Checkers’.” And I shake my head and put it back.
Well, it’s good to know my geek title is well deserved. Of course, I probably could have just gotten Tom (new-school!Tom, not SEAL!Tom or teacher!Tom) to tell me that – I repeated the whole “Oz: the name on the street for Oswald Maximum Security Penitentrary” for him after he said he’d never heard of it.
Beecher: “I shit all over a man.”
McManus: ”I know.”
Beecher: “That’s not normal.”
Ryan: “Heeey roomie. So, how crazy are you?”
McManus: “I have an eyewitness, Diane, who saw you passing cigarettes to Scott Ross. An eye-fucking-witness.”
See, this is why I used to like McManus. He seemed so earnest and occasionally had some awesome lines. Then he turned into a total jackass.
Kenny: “Stupid hacks.”
Adebisi: “You’re the lookout!”
Kenny: “I know I’m the lookout.”
Adebisi: “Go look out!”
…and this is why I used to like “Bricks”.
McManus: “Rebadow. Your factory supervisor said you haven’t been to work in a couple of days.”
Rebadow: “God lied to me.”
McManus: “God lied to you?”
I’m sorry, but the way Rebadow says ‘yes’ is fucking hilarious.
“Hey, you move this piece.”
”Yeah, you fucking did! You’ve been doing it all along! Every time I have to take a shit, you move the pieces. That’s why I’m fucking losing!”
“You keep losing ‘cause you suck.”
“You motherfucker!” Leaps across table and tackles him.
Full-scale riot, everyone beating the crap out of the guards, chairs flying all over the place, and Miguel Alvarez has this brilliant summation: “Shit.”
I love the way the main gangs react. The Muslims immediately go to protect the female guard (while their leader grabs his gun), the Irish and the Aryans (working together, while the technical leader of the Aryans stares around horrified) sieze the control room, the homeboys tear the shit out of McManus’ office, and El Norte wanders around. Hilarious, man, hilarious.
I also love how the inmates eventually get so caught up in the rioting, they forget, for the most part, about the guards. And I totally just paused it on a hilarious shot. Alvarez is standing next to a guy dripping with blood (and wearing one of the CO’s ties) and has this hilarious “What the shit?” look on his face. And it’s followed by one of the most hilarious exchanges on the show: “Now let’s get organized!” and everyone starts cheering their asses off.
And this is the point where Said shows how smart he is: He nominates O’Reily as spokesperson! O’Reily’s a crafty ass bastard and exactly who I’d pick to be my spokesperson if I were in prison. And started a riot. And, you know, male.
Another weird pause point: a pull-back on the pow-wow, and Ryan and Miguel are totally sitting in almost the exact same position. THERE ARE REASONS WHY THEY ARE MY OTP (#4259305; I must cut down on OTPs).
What is it with my weird attachment to objects? I’m more fucking upset over Dobbins’ cello than I am over him! That’s sick.
“Fuck, Dobbins is dying!”
”Let’s dump him before he starts getting moldy.”
Holy shit. I need to rewatch every single damn episode, because I keep noticing shit I hadn’t seen before. For instance: when O’Reily is informing Ross that hey, if he says yes, it’s a majority vote and they can let Vahue through with Dobbins, Beecher’s in the background twirling about with a broom handle. I fucking love crazy-ass Beecher.
“This is what I’m saying, if the three of us hang together, Said’s our bitch.”
“I had an uncle once, was a total drunk. So he tried to pick up a hobby. Got into sculpting. Didn’t help, he came home every day plastered.”
”Oh Jesus Christ…”
“Had another uncle, he was a rare coin dealer. One day a couple of tough guys come in and, uh, beat him senseless.”
“Got another uncle, owns a grocery store. One night somebody comes in and caves his head in with a case of corn flakes. Cops think it might have been the work of a cereal killer”
Last two words repeated by Mukada, too. I fucking love that bit.
Oh fucking shit. I decided it was a smart idea to type while lying on my back, tilting the laptop so that it was basically being held up by me hitting the keys? You can guess what happened. Yes, indeed, it fell forward and my nose really goddamn hurts right now. Shit.
“For fuck’s sake! We’ll serve the sandwiches the same way we do in the cafeteria, Jesus Christ…” This is why I have, and always will, love Ryan. He’s so fucking awesome, and that’s my same reaction whenever people I’m working with start bickering. Well, less with the ‘fuck’, since it’s generally at school, but I do use the “Jesus Christ…” part.
Damn, I always forget how fucking tall Scott Ross is. I mean, he looks like he ought to be totally average, maybe even short, but he’s fucking tall! Him and Vincent D’Onofrio need to play brothers in something – dude, I know! Scott Ross totally needs to play Goren’s gambling addicted older brother! Fucking perfect!
I love Ryan. He so totally wanted to let Armstrong go before, but went against it because he’s not stupid enough to screw over his two business partners. So when he gets the chance again, he goes for it first, since Adebisi tends to have the political willpower of a concussed five year old. I also love how Ryan presents their demands and McManus’ letter in separate envelopes. He’s a regular old professional diplomat, that one.
“This isn’t working.”
”The entranceway. Every ten minutes I’m putting a fire out between the gangsters and the Nazis.”
Another of my favorites: Ryan starts yelling at Said for walking away from him, and grabs him by the arm. Arif jumps at him, Beecher grabs Arif and holds him with the broomstick. I love the Beecher-Ryan partnership.
Adebisi’s on the ground, pleading to be untied. Beecher and Ryan walk by, and Beecher goes “You shouldn’t have stolen my fucking watch”, hits him, and walks away.
Ross: “Any last words?”
McManus: “Suck my dick.”
Ross: “If only there were time…”
Well, that’s my musings on “A Game of Checkers”, probably my most favorite episode. And now for “The Tip”, which I will – hopefully – not keep a running Microsoft Word document for. Like I need a memoir to my total loserdom, right?