About family Christmas gatherings: "And don't forget, take pictures - you're gonna need them for the court case."
"Santa Claus is a douche bag."
Charlie Murphy is hilarious, too. In his 'Twas the Night Before Christmas' parody, Santa says this to his reindeer: "Move your ass 'fore I cook you!" And finally, "Happy Christmas to all, and that's the last word. Bitch."
"Oh Hooker Girl" instead of "Oh Christmas Tree". BWAH!
"First, I wanna thank Denis for having me. Third... I'd like to apologize for forgetting my second point." I love Bush parodies. "Life begins at contraception."
Oh noes. Charlie Brown parody. TOM CRUISE! BWAH! And Charlie Brown turns to Islam. Brilliant.
Re the Adam Sandler movie Eight Crazy Nights: "And that movie sucked so bad, my opinion of it went straight to video.
Hee. He has a 'Rescue Me Ratings' wishstick. I love it. And he just said 'cockles'. HEE.
About Paris Hilton: "She can't act, she can't model, and God knows that all of us who have seen her sex video know she can't fuck."
Nuns With Colds Gone Wild. Holy crap. Someone's done some serious crack cocaine recently. Possibly lots of people. Probably lots of people.
Kid, after drinking something Denis gave him: I feel drunk...
Denis Leary: Welcome to the family.
Talking about Christmas morning incidents such as kids swallowing small pieces of toys: "Thinning the herd!"
"Fuck the Stanford-Binet test, plug in the damn Creepy Crawler Oven."
MORGAN SPURLOCK! He looks like some actor I know. A little like Lee Tergesen. Probably because of the facial hair. But nah, their faces look a like too. Cuh-razy.
Sing-along time! YAY! I wonder if that kid, the one sitting on the couch, is related to Denis Leary. (I missed the beginning of his scene.) Because damn he looks like it. They've got the same nose. It might be Jack Leary, he's nearly sixteen. That would match. Interesting fact: Jack Leary is listed as a production assistant for Rescue Me on IMDb. Damn. I'm older than him, that should be me! ...except I'm not the child of a famous actor/comedian. Damn it.