Student #1, pointing to notebook: If I ever become a famous rapper this is going to be my first album cover.
Student #2: Why? What is it?
Student #1: It's just a penguin on fire.
Student #2: A flaming penguin -- nice!
Student #1, matter-of-factly: I fucking hate penguins...
Crazy lady: Oh, no! Those teenagers did not just steal my outhouse!
Girl yelling out window to friend: Bitch! I am the motherfuckin' bishop Don Juan of proving points!
Son: I just don't understand it.
Father: That's because you have no imagination.
TSA guy #1: Why aren't you patting everyone down?
TSA guy #2: That's what the machines are for.
TSA guy #1: Do you see the machines working?! Do you see anyone walking through the machines?!
TSA guy #2: Oh. Oops. Oh, well, it happens.