Our assignment was to write 400-500 words in the format of "I have _____; I have _____;" etc. If anyone cares, this is mine:
I have wanted to be an astronaut, a teacher, a cop, a forensic scientist, a lawyer, and a professional football player; I have never broken a bone, gotten stitches, or been to the hospital for myself save for an unfortunate choking incident when I was a baby; I have been to the hospital for my dad's emergency heart surgery, when my grandpa was dying, when my aunt had knee surgery, and when a friend of my dad's ran into a fence and cut his face open; I have been on the Internet since I was seven, in chat rooms since I was eight, and had a blog since I was twelve; I have had two dogs, two cats, countless sea monkeys, and partial custody of two fish; I have been a Girl Scout, police explorer, a member of a library advisory board, and a preschool teacher's aide; I have taken tae kwon do, karate, ballet, gymnastics, and fencing; I have played softball, basketball, and rugby competitively, although I got kicked off the basketball team for not showing up to practices (and then banned from attending the games for heckling); I have been a fan of Indian rap, French pop, German techno, British wizard rock, American country, and Irish folk songs, and have often listened to all of them in the space of an hour; I have twenty-six CDs that are compilations of 80s pop, rock, and dance music; I have been to forty-six states in the country, the exceptions being Hawaii, Alaska, Washington, and Maine; I have lived in five states; I have library cards in four states; I have attended three elementary schools, one middle school, three high schools, and one college; I have sixteen bumper stickers on the back of my truck; I have driven over a hundred miles per hour through Kansas with only my learner's permit; I have a passport, a military ID, and an international driver's license; I have only been out of the country once, to England and Wales, where I saw three matches of the 2007 Rugby World Cup; I have skinned my knee at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, at Warped Tour, and trying to do tricks on my bike; I have been bitten by three dogs, only one of whom was a stranger; I have four cousins, one half-uncle a year older than me, two second cousins, and three step-step-cousins; I have had ten game consoles in my life, five of which were handheld – I still have two of the handheld and three others; I have spent Christmas Day stabbing a VCR with a screwdriver, and with a hundred and two degree fever; I have never been arrested, even when I really really should have; I have had to write lines once for lying (I instead wrote 'I didn't lie'), do a day of in-school suspension for forgery, and serve at least fifty detentions after school or during lunch for skipping classes; I have, in the same semester, received a 2% in one class and 110% in another; I have been kicked out of class for 'disturbing someone's sanity'; I have watched more episodes of crime television than is reasonably intelligent; I have been to both anime and science fiction conventions and have always felt like the most normal person there; I have built a large fort (complete with furniture and cupboards) out of packing boxes; I have been stung three times by jellyfish and been caught in the undertow once; I have had a first date that consisted of going to a comic book store, eating Chipotle, and mocking the movie Marie Antoinette; I have drawn a nun with a machine gun to illustrate the second amendment – in fourth grade; I have gone from not having read the source material to having a completed B+ research paper in two hours (when aided by actually taking my ritalin); I have never written a decent ending.
And now, time for forensic anthropology! Which is full of people who make things far more complicated than they ever need to be - which, really, applies to most people.