First, there's my 6th grade paper on the Yukon Territory that somehow managed an A, even though the actual written content is maybe a page long - everything else is just random tables I pulled off of the Internet the night before it was due. Yes, indeed, my slacker procrastinating ways started quite long ago.
Then comes my hastily put-together "book of figurative language" from my 6th grade poetry unit in Language Arts, entitled 'Figuratively Speaking'. All of the poems were pretty much horrible and done very quickly (reproduced exactly as found):
I watch as the eagle takes wing.
I hear the lark screech a tune.
I feel the air, buttery soft,
As the hawking cries like a crow.
Soon the mother hawk returns, cuddling her babe.
And then I take flight with many more forests to save.
Salamander Sam lived by the sea;
Now he lives in the Sahara,
Ever since his mother said, "You drive me up the wall!"
This is not hard to do since salamanders are so sticky!
"Hiss!" goes the snake.
"Purr" says the cat.
"Bark!" shouts the dog.
All is still.
Slimy sly snakes snipe at unsuspecting squirrels.
His eyes are a deep blue sea,
His hair, a coal black mane.
His energy is an unstoppable current.
My dog Sam.
Next up: a story written August 10th, 1998, about a month before I turned nine (so, fifth grade, I think - damn you year round schooling!). As a warning, pretty much all of 4th and 5th grade I used Animorphs and Star Wars names for my original characters.
"Marco! Keith! Jacen!" "Now!" I stamped my foot in impactence.
My mom called," Carter Allen Lee! Stop yelling!" I stood about to grab the doves to begin traning them. They flutered out. Oh how I wished I could see what they saw, soar like they soared, heard what they heared. Jake and Tobias came up. "Come on, lets train them!"
Suddenly, Jace (Dove) talked! He said," Would you guys like to be us for a week?" "How about 2 days?" I asked "Great!" Jacen exclaimed. "Can my friends come also?"I asked , pointing to Jake and Tobias. "Sure" he said. I few senconds later, we were in a dove's body. "Thanks!" we said right before we flew out the window. For hours we flew,but soon we were hungry. I saw a forset ahead. "I think we could find food there." I said as I flew tword the trees. Suddenly, a cougar stepped out. I quickly flew into the air. Tobias and Jake scrambled after me. "Let's go home!" Tobias suggested. We started home, all thinking we'd rather get food than catch it.
Moral - Be thankful for what you have.
And finally, from way back in third grade, we have my ancient Egyptian fairy tale. No, srsly. I as about six or seven, so it's... kinda special. Once again, everything is typed as originally written.
Once in 1,000BC, Egypt, there were 2 boys named Trojon and Jojeka Gardenellie were walking in the forest, hunting. They heard something russel in the bushes and ran after it. They caght up and saw that there were 2 girls. Their names were Sallseaa and Gocea Fornottie. They all said, "Hello," to each other. They talked and walked tword the Nile. Karnue, Trojon's little sister, she was only 17, a year older than Jojeka, came rushing, and said, "There's a war going to be started" They all rushed to the waterfront. It was true! Some of their friends, like Jose and Lawersher and Jason and James Cannon were getting on Navel ships. In less than 1 min. he and Jojeka were on the ship, too. They were on deck for 2 days until one day. That day an arrow came predy close to both of them. Right then they sliped UNDER the board and into a underwater tunnel. From a distence, it looked like they were hit. But they weren't. They folloed the tunnel to Main land. When they found their family they told them th story. 2 weeks later Sallseaa and Trojon were marryied. Same with Gocea and Jojeka. The End
Iiiii... kinda love that last story, I gotta say. Just for the sheer wtf-ery.