Brother: "It's just like going to sleep."
"I hear there's some animosity between you and your sister. Care to elaborate?"
"She hates me."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"One less person to worry about."
"And when was the last time you told her you loved her?"
"Look, I don't know how things work in your family, but my family doesn't do things like that."
"Your ass is ringing."
"So, why do you have an ass if you won't answer it?"
OMFG. That's awesome.
"Thanks for offering, but I may be clinically insane, you may want to hold out for someone a bit more stable."
"I don't think that would be as interesting."
*hisses at the wax lion* "Shut up!"
Customer: "I'm sorry?"
"Uh, have a nice day!"
"You're not supposed to steal."
"You're not supposed to talk to strangers. Piss off."
"Are you Satan? Are you God? Okay, if you don't say something in the next five seconds, I'm going to assume you're Satan."
"You tell people we're not related!"
"It was just that once..."
"It was Grandpa's wake!"
"What happened to you?"
"I was accosted by a middle aged Texan housewife while doing a random act of kindness."
"Crazy like psycho crazy, or crazy like when I put a video camera in my house and pretended I was on Big Brother."
"I didn't take the monkey."
God, that wax lion is annoying.
And I love this show.